Bites

Name: Linden

Dwells Within: Lauren DeStefano’s CHEMICAL GARDEN Trilogy

At a glance: Passive-aggressively douchey but it’s passed off as some demented form of kindness, seemingly ignorant of the goings-on under his very feet, had a love of his life but, well, she’s dead so now it’s time to round up them bitches and fuck ’em all, likes oranges

And I rant: No one deserves to be brought around back and shot like a baby fucker.  Linden?  He’s one of them baby fuckers.  I mean one of his wives is only thirteen.  Perhaps in a better written and developed world that actually made sense Linden’s actions could be nominally justified and the entire population could suffice under a cloak of indoctrination.  As it stands we’re only a couple generations into the future, the world’s given itself an enema and parents are watching their kids rape little girls for the sake of procreation.  And Linden, well, his actions are made to be not so bad.  I mean he has an orange grove for his first wife because he was in love with her.  Too bad he was willing to let his father round up girls for his dick-ly amusement to fuck at his beck and call.  Girls that he knew full well were rounded up at gunpoint and are being held against their will.  You don’t keep them confined to a single floor without even the ability to open a window because they’re WILLINGLY there.

And then there’s his perceived ignorance of it all; the needless slaughter of all those girls he ultimately rejected (seriously, the world-building in WITHER, as I never made it beyond that, hurts my brain) that he didn’t know about, the post-mortem autopsies being performed on the dead wives he’s leaving in his wake that he doesn’t know about, his evil daddy that he doesn’t know about . . . Either he had the mental capacity of a six-year-old that pets bunnies too hard or HE’S WELL-GODDAMN-AWARE OF WHAT’S GOING ON AROUND HIM.  Which is it?  We don’t know.  I’m going with the latter because, well, at the rate he disregards Jenna on her deathbed and wonders how Rhine could be so upset over her passing, that says something more akin to sociopath than cuddlebug.  No one can be standing knee deep in a pile of triceratops shit and not smell the stank.

The reality:

He’s only good for:

Final thoughts:  Have I mentioned that he aides his father in locking up kidnapped girls in his super awesome mansion of rape where he forces himself on them for the sake of “saving humanity” while he donates their soon-to-be corpses to his daddy’s science?  Linden needs a good round of Butt Fuck Bitch in the Maricopa prison system to see how he likes being held against his will and boned.  What’s even worse is his actions are passed off as something appealing, his ignorance an excuse, his acquiescence to not force himself on Rhine like he does with the other two something other than a contrivance.  As if him letting them out into the yard like they’re some free-range concubines is OMG appealing!  Yay!  Swimmies!  Go fuck yourself.  He’s a rapist and a baby rapist, the two being mutually exclusive and thus compounding each other.  Why does this boy exist as a viable love interest in YA?  Why is all of this okay as long as the women come from less and are given pretty dresses and candies and a big gnarly house?  LET’S PARTY LIKE IT’S 1859!  Bitches should be thankful.  They’re getting all the pretties.  They are OBLIGATED to receive Linden’s hot meat injection when and where he so desires.

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