Bites

Name: Ford

Dwells within: Pam Bachorz’s DROUGHT

At a glance: deceptively kind and accommodating, townie loser, religious zealot, potential member of Westboro Baptist Church, sexual maturity level of a thirteen-year-old boy in a big boy body

And I rant: Ford starts off nominally appealing, lending a helping hand to Ruby but when he starts becoming more involved beyond his overseer duties his colors start to shine.  Even with the knowledge that Ruby’s been raised in what is rightly a cult, sequestered from the rest of the world, he starts hammering home the “Christianity is the only true religion” schtick, forcing it upon her as if she’s simply misguided and not wholly brainwashed and way too old for him.  He is steadfast in his Jesus love until the end, attempting to guide Ruby to the light the entire way and completely disregarding her own beliefs and feelings in the process because they’re just downright wrong.

On top of that he pulls the “but I thought you loved me” line when she doesn’t want to get physical with him.  Talk about a failure that more than likely just blew his way through his female townie equivalents and had nothing else to slog onto within a twenty mile radius.  Who better than some brainwashed shut-in that doesn’t know better?  Sounds like a steal to me.

The reality:

 He’s only good for:

Final thoughts: Ford’s a Grade A dick, narrow-minded and uncaring of anyone’s feelings but his own.  Blood-letting is a more amenable hobby than getting jiggy in the back of this dude’s pick-up.  Plus guys like this shouldn’t be procreating anyway.  There are enough bigots in the world without spawning more in a Piggly Wiggly parking lot.

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