Bites

Published August 1, 2010.

Doug Lee is undead quite by accident – attacked by a desperate vampire, he finds himself cursed with being fat and fifteen forever. When he has no luck finding some goth chick with a vampire fetish, he resorts to sucking the blood of cows under cover of the night. But it’s just not the same.

Then he meets the new Indian exchange student and falls for her – hard. Yeah, he wants to bite her, but he also wants to prove himself to her. But like the laws of life, love, and high school, the laws of vampire existence are complicated – it’s not as easy as studying Dracula. Especially when the star of Vampire Hunters is hot on his trail in an attempt to boost ratings . . . (book back blurb)
Absolutely fantastic. There is just no other way to say it. FAT VAMPIRE spoofs the hell out of everything that is vampire nowadays but maintains this underlying tone of seriousness that really hits home. Underneath it all it’s about a kid fitting in in life. How many kids now are all vampire obsessed and want to turn into a vampire? Well Adam Rex takes that notion and slaps reality home like a puck into a net. If you’re a meatball-looking geek in life, then guess what? You’re going to be a meatball-looking geek in undeath. Except your lack of eating won’t get you to lose any weight. Sorry.
It throws everything that pop culture has made of vampires right back in its face. Yeah, it sucks to have to go to school when you’re a vampire because of that slight light sensitivity you have. The remedy? A poncho. Constantly. As if you weren’t made fun of enough. And even as a vampire you can’t get chicks to get with you because you’re a bit of a creep factor. You take the je ne sais quoi that vampires are supposed to have and give it a holy water bath because that vampire blood didn’t eradicate your inner comic book-loving goof.
The best part? The homage to The Lost Boys. Oh yeah, it’s in there. And it’s not very subtle if you’re a fan of the movie. But it’s awesome all the same.
There wasn’t a character in FAT VAMPIRE that I didn’t like. I thought Doug was an insanely complex character that even from the beginning wasn’t your standard geek because he’s never not a vampire in the book. So while he wants to geek out at Comic-Con, he needs to raid the local blood mobile in order to do it. And you can see him change; slip into his vampire skin a little better. And people notice it too, but it’s not necessarily in a good way. And he has a hard time with this and it shows. Doug’s just such a dynamic character; I really couldn’t get enough of him.
Sejal was pretty cool too. There was really no bowing to American pressures at all and she really stood her ground when it came to Doug. She told him how it was without any pretenses and didn’t back down. She’s super girl for doing that, I think. But in the end she was there for him exactly how he needed her to be, which is different from how he wanted her to be. Read it and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
The ending? Amazing. At first it starts off kind of quirky and goofy and then it just slams you with seriousness that leaves you going awww in a sad sort of way. It doesn’t cut any corners, it doesn’t sugar-coat anything. It ends exactly how the story should end and I love it all the more for it.
Again, absolutely fantastic. It’s a satire without really being a satire but maintains it’s seriousness about itself without taking itself too serious. It’s funny (Doug is called Assferatu, win), it’s witty and it puts vampires right back in the grave where they belong. Read it. You’ll love it.

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